I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
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My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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