Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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