I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
