Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
