i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I could have mohawked her pubes.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
