I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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