But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize