At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
