New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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