I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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