yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if only i could text you this smell
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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