I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
