You smell like a Billy Joel song
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
