I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
