I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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