Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i need some magic done to my vagina
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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