what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Bring me that man meat
I'm bleeding and have questions
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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