This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
