..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
