I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
