I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
