In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
