I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize