if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
