Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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