I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
