so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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