guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
