make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
