So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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