Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize