fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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