good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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