What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
