I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
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My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
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Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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