I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
