@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
