I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
