I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
