And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
