You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
