the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
