i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
