Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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