Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
