I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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