Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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