if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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