my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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