So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
