U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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