i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
