Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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