where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
MIDGETS
????
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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