I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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