New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
