standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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