you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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