He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
