i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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