What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
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How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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