I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.