He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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