I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
