Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
