i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful