I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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