I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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