And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
