i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
