Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We talked him into tasing himself.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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