you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
