When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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