Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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