We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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