if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
