Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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