so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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