he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think I won the penis lottery.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
