My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
pray to the hookup gods
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
