he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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