She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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