he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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