she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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