What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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