you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
