I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
