I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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